So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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