dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
