we're blogging at a bar
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
