Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
