I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
this beer tastes like vomit already
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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