I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
