if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
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