My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Panties = found
Randomize
