I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
