I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
