i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
