Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
