You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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