Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
