So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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