Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
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Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
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apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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