I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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