Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
