Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
