my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
