i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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