I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
