Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
