my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
