she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
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I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
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Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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