How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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