Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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