Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
