I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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