just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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