i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
