Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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