Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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