if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Houston, we have a blender
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
