I want to make a zoo with you.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.