Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
can u get pink eye on your cock?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
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Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
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I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.