He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.