Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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