things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
