Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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