Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
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doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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