considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
