i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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