Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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