My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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