their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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