fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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