Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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