i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
