I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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