You just made me feel so damn special
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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