May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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