My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
