if only i could text you this smell
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
