That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
