Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
