i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
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