i don't like sucking hair
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
