if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
