So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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