Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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