Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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