Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
