ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
