get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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